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Dear Self: A Self Care Blog

The Goodness In No

by Imah Usen 19 Jan 2023 0 Comments

I never realized how much I told people yes until I thought back on how much I actually was told “no”. Growing up I was usually picked last, and that was if I was actually interested in participating in an activity. No was also a pretty common term used in my household. Of course as I got older, I didn’t want to be alone, so I began saying yes to EVERYTHING!!. That became a bad habit that I found hard to stop. I found myself under appreciated and exhausted in more ways than one. 

The scary part of always overextending and always being is available is that we usually don’t notice the toll of our actions until something really devastating (to us anyway) happens. It's a silent killer in more ways than one. It blurs our vision and distracts us from being the person that we are called to be. He throws us out of alignment. God just wants us to make sure that we are in a place where we can really appreciate His wisdom and trust that He knows best for us before we are pieced back together. Sometimes things have to break down in order for them to come back together better than they ever were before.

I never realized how much I had lost control of my time and my energy. Life gets crazy sometimes. I so desperately wanted to be a part of something that I didn’t even realize what I was saying yes to. It was literally a sense of obligation that made me feel like I needed to be whomever anyone needed at any given moment. Obligation will literally drain you if you let it, and it wasn't it until I had a devastating loss that I was able to see through a clear lens. This was an event in my life that really made me shift the way that I thought about failures and goodbyes. I had to ask myself questions and if you are going through a season where you are experience a BIG loss, I'd love if you asked yourself the same questions:

  1. What do you deserve?
  2. Will you trust that God won’t allow anything to pass you that is yours?
  3. When will you begin to reclaim your peace and time ? 
  4. What steps do you need to accomplish in order for this to happen?

I realized then that God already knew every detail of my life and I should really take my hands off it. Telling everyone yes would simply do one thing - stress me OUT. The same applies to you, Sis. There’s definitely goodness in NO. I learned through that season that sometimes a NO is a huge blessing in disguise that you don’t ever recognize until after time passes. When you say no, you make room for the YES that truly belongs in your life. 

I want you to know that it’s okay to say no to things that don’t sit right with you. In fact, it’s actually okay when doors are shut in your face. Reclaim your peace and evaluate what you’re saying yes to. Trust your timing and the fact that once you find your “door” no one will be able to keep you from walking in your Purpose. 

With Love,

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